A part of growing up is knowing when to give up. Life is short, we need to surround ourselves with amazing people that make us feel alive - these the ones we choose to be our friends. Sometimes, unfortunately, a few of those people turn toxic. You find them constantly bringing you down, always passing judgement, and only reaching out when they need something. This person is no longer your friend. You have already spent hours thinking about why should keep holding on and being optimistic that your next conversation with them will be better. However, it never is. Every text seems nagging and every "let's meet up for drinks" is just to ask you for another favor. Now what? It's time to break up with your friend.
How to know it's time
- You no longer feel like they support you. You find yourself being thrown under the bus with them or being judged by them. If it's not for support through the good and the bad, what exactly are friends for?
- Your conversations have become awkward. Usually you love to share every detail of your life with this person, but now you have to question whether or not you trust them.
- You find yourself rolling your eyes, thinking "what now?" when they text you. You know they just want something from you.
- You avoid hanging out with them. If you ever find yourself finding excuses for why you cannot hang out tonight, you know there is a problem.
- You do not feel comfortable. You do not know if they are even your "friend" anymore. When is the last real conversation you had?
How to break up with your friend
At this point you may be wondering, is it even worth breaking up with them? You don't want to constantly have to avoid them and try to ignore them. Sometimes it is just better to have a heart to heart conversation. Maybe, they too are feeling disconnected. Maybe if you voice your feelings there might be a chance to fix it. Keeping your feeling bottled up is never a good idea, so you might as well just talk about it.
- Invite them out - this is not a conversation you want to have on the phone, it is important (and will be a little awkward).
- How is the conversation going? Are you still having doubt about your friendship?
- If so, talk to them about how you have been feeling
- How did they react? Did they act like you are delusional?
- If so, tell them that you need a break from the friendship.
- Let them know that you will reach out to them if you plan giving this another chance.
Truth is, as we grow older we change. Change brings a lot, not only do your likes change, but so do your needs. Maybe at 21 you just needed someone to go out drinking with you, but now at 25 you need someone to pour your heart out to when you did not get that promotion you worked so hard for. Sometimes we are really lucky and have friends that grow with us, sometimes we just aren't.